Day 14: Snowing in July

Hi Guys!

So I definitely woke up encouraged this morning, even though it was 20 degrees and raining. It was basically snowing! But, bible study really helped uplift my spirits. I led bible study today with my teammate B-Dawg (aka Bethany). We talked about having solitude in Christ and about how important it is to allow the Holy Spirit to work through you.

I piloted the Holy Spirit portion because I really let myself get into a bad place this weekend. I totally ignored the Holy Spirit and tried to deal with my struggle on my own which only led to Melanie Fiona being on repeat. Totally out of character for me. I hope that as I learn from this struggle I can properly handle the next one with better care.

I was a little apprenhensive about practice today because of how this past weekend went but it ended up going really well. (I didn’t see Yonas though :(…hopefully Wednesday. But, even though it was probably 10 degrees and raining, B-Dawg and I ran 200, 150, 150 and 100. Well, I ran as a sprinter would and B-Dawg ran as a steeplchaser would. (She is a steeplechaser) 😉

The trip has been shifted into another gear because we are now two weeks in. My coaches are challeneging me to push myself out of my comfort zone and to fully allow God to do a MIGHTY work in my life. Jodi (trip supervisor/coach/alarm clock/big sister/accountability partner) said something to me today that has stuck.

She said, “You need to give yourself some Grace.”

She feels that I am too hard on myself when I should rest in God alone. Knowing that He will always have my back and He will never forsake me. He has given me the ultimate “Get out of Hell free” card, so I need to stop sending myself there. Punishing myself in the most bizarre and over-the-top ways is only going to cause more harm then help. God just wants me to rest in Him! Matthew 11:28-30 ! He loves me! O, how He loves me!

He wants me to enjoy Belgium Waffles with Ice Cream too!

Until then Stay Crazyy Blessed!

 

Day 12 & Day 13: Shaking in my Armor.

Yesterday at the track meet, I went into the Kortrijk meet with confidence and courage of a lion. I warmed up with the mindset to run better then last weekend. I had Lane 1 but I didn’t care because I was ready for whatever. I got in the blocks and I was doubling encouraged because the starter did the commands in English. When the gun went off, I exploded out of the blocks and stayed in drive as long as my body would let me. As I came up out of drive, to my surprise I was in DEAD LAST. I instantly gave up on the race. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind. “I train so hard, why is this happening?” “I exploded out of the blocks, I should at least be in better position.” “God, what are you trying to prove to me?” “I use to be the best and now I suck.” So, in true ungrateful and stupid fashion, I didn’t run through the line and then had the nerve to get upset about the time. (12.03)

If I would have ran through the line I would have ran at least 11.6.

I felt like a complete failure and coward. When a tough time came I went AWOL. The scripture Matthew 8:26 comes to mind when I think about my behavior yesterday. I lost control of my emotions so I pulled myself out of the 200. (My hamstring bothered me, as well but that is not an excuse)

“He replied, ‘You of little faith, why are you so afraid’.”

I am still dealing with yesterday. I feel so ashamed about how I acted yesterday. Such a brat. So often I feel as though I know best for me. When in actuality, in the eyes of God my plans are FILTH. I felt unworthy to worship in church this morning because I knew I had did a selfish thing. I threw a temper tantrum because I didn’t feel as though God had been fair to me. I just want to run well. But, the question is… Am I willing to serve God unknown and unnoticed?

Truthfully…..I don’t know….I mean WILL serve but I crave being on top. I love God and praise Him for everything He has done for me…I just…. Guys, I am struggling so bad. I just want to cry and cry and cry. I am shaking in my armor on the battlefield against the way of this world…

Only one thing can be done… I have to stop keeping my flesh on life support and just pull plug because it is keeping me from a WHOLE, UNINTERRUPTED relationship with my Father in Heaven.

It’s not about me, it’s about God. It’s about Him winning through me and not me winning for myself.

Pray for me! Pray that I won’t allow Satan to convince me to behave in a spoiled, ungrateful way. Pray that I remember always that I am CHILD OF THE MOST HIGH GOD! Pray that I stay on the front lines for Christ without wavering. Pray that I become a FEARLESS SOLIDER FOR CHRIST!

Until Then Stay Crazyy Blessed!

Day 10: My Heart is Heavy

My heart is heavy. God has opened a door for me to really share the Gospel to a pole vaulter named Yonas who only knows of Jesus in the context of Christmas (gift giving).

I have only had one conversation with him so far dealing in Matthew 7:15-23 and in Revelation. The conversation was prompted by my impatience. I was waiting to get in the car last Saturday after the track meet and everyone was taking FOREVER! So I said, “Could you guys hurry before Jesus cracks the sky!” My teammates laughed but Yonas didn’t. He didn’t understand at all what I said. And, that was my first time saying that and someone not knowing what it meant. So I told him that next time that we practiced I was going to read him verses in the Bible about “the cracking of the sky.” And he said, “Ok.”

For many years I have been taught how to share the Gospel to non believers but I have never had to apply what I have learned. So my prayer is that God can speak through me to Yonas in order to lead him to the Cross. I am lost for words actually because I don’t want to mess this up but at the same time I don’t want an agenda. Yonas is a human being just like me with highs and lows, so I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. But I also don’t want to sugarcoat THE GOSPEL to appease him. I want him to know that the rapture isn’t just a joke to hurry people along but it is the TRUTH. And, it won’t be a joking matter for those that have rejected Christ. All in all, I am just excited to share Jesus and share what He has done for me. I want Yonas on TEAM JESUS! And I am honored that God has trusted me with this. I

I am headed to bed early tonight. I will give a full rundown through video tomorrow when I am refreshed because today was very draining (in a good way).

Picture of me and Yonas! (My coach snuck a picture yesterday! Lol I had no idea!)

Until then Stay Crazyy Blessed!

Day 9: Is God Real?

God has been opening my heart and my mind. I have been able to share my testimony and share the Gospel in times that I almost convinced myself not to do so!

Day 8: Prayer is Important

Day 8 was a refreshing day that brought some great conversation for some interesting people.

Day 7: Things Have Just Begun

So, I really hope that as things get tougher with ministry that I can get stronger! Joshua 1:9

Day 5 & 6: Race Day, Church, Brussels.

Enjoy! and Stay Crazyy Blessed!

Day 3: Joshua 1:9

I headed the title of the post Joshua 1:9 because I need a dose of strength and courage at the moment. As I started the day, I was encouraged but then out of nowhere I was bombarded with things from my past. Past relationships, past struggles, past disappointments. I dwelled in that low place for a while today. I couldn’t find any answers to why I was feeling this way. As I am sitting typing this, I realize that I couldn’t find any answers because I intentionally didn’t want to talk to God. I intentionally kept feeding the negative thoughts. I just wanted to feel numb. I thought that would make me feel better.

It’s like your parents trying to give you medicine because you don’t feel well but you say, “no I like this headache and the cold chills.” A parent would look at their child like they were crazy if that was the response for the offer of help.

I feel like God was giving me the stale face all day today because He knew I was purposely being sad. It was like He was saying, “Madison, please explain why you won’t just talk to me. I can help.” All day my actions said, “God, I am not sure I trust You.” It showed in my practice and in every conversation I had. So, I now realize how important it is to pray and embrace God’s Love because it’s real, it’s enough, and it’s ever flowing.

Dear Heavenly Father,
I thank you for keeping me during my low point today. I pray that I can be strong and courageous so that my past can’t break me down at the drop of a dime. Father, I need you to help be strong and courageous. I trust You. The truth is I don’t trust myself. I am sorry I ran from Your Wonderful Presence today and clung to depression, anger and envy. Help me to be strong especially when being weak would be the easiest thing to do. I thank you for my accountability partners here in Belgium and back at home in the States for lifting me up today.
Your little girl,
Madison

There is work to be done here in Belgium so I hope these type of days become nonexistent.

Until then Read Joshua 1:9 and Stay Crazyy Blessed!

The Decisions

Why does making good decisions hurt so bad?

The decision that is in your best interest. The decision that keeps you from looking like a fool. The decision that your heart doesn’t want you to make. The decision that will save you from future heartache. The decision that doesn’t allow who you are with to have power over your self-esteem, self-confidence and self-esteem. The decision that God has been waiting for you to make before He stepped in and made it for you.

Anybody in their right mind would have made this decision a long time ago. The decision to demand the respect you deserve. The decision to not make a guy your priority when you are just his option. The decision to no longer appease your boredom by lower your morals and values. The decision to start putting yourself first and loving yourself unconditionally.

A friend of mine told me that I made a good decision. She said that she was sorry that I was hurt but time heals all. I have one thing to say to “time”…..”WHY ARE YOU MOVING SO SLOW?”

But, ultimately, making the decision to let someone go who is more bad than good has to be done. You have to remove whatever is hindering your growth. And, once you make that decision you allow God to really let loose in your life with His blessings.

Until Then Stay Crazyy Blessed.